Redskins owner Daniel Snyder (left) and VP of Football Operations Vinny Cerrato (right) pose with Vince Lombardi, who becomes the second straight head coach to return for a second tenure.
The wind whipped through the trees last night at Mount Olivet cemetery in Middletown Township, New Jersey. It was just after 3am when Cerrato hit the wood some feet below the Earth's surface. Daniel Snyder sat patiently in a lawn chair, smoking a cigar and sipping on a Motts apple juice box.
Digging for just over an hour, he was thoroughly exhausted as he wiped the sweat from his forehead.
"Open it Vinny," barked Snyder.
Quickly, they placed the body in the car and sped off. Determined to keep the Redskins heading in the right direction, Snyder found the only coach he respected more than Joe Gibbs. Vincent Lombardi.
Lombardi would be the second Hall Of Fame coach called out of retirement in order to save the franchise from certain destruction.
Snyder announced he plans to operate Lombardi's limbs in order to call the plays.
"This gives him everything he wants in life. A legendary coach that can never be criticized, the opportunity to manipulate everything behind the scenes and a chance to play God, Snyder's actual dream job," commented Greg Williams as he pissed on the floor of Redskins Park.
Lombardi will oversee new offensive coordinator Jim Zorn and defensive coordinator Greg Blatche.