Last night's 15 inning MLB All-Star was something of a bore. That is if you don't like 34 strikeouts, game saving defensive plays and 4 hours of Joe Bucks' monotone banter. I don't. I like ex-crackheads blasting 500 ft homeruns and Chase Utley telling the New York crowd to fuck off. Maybe I'm a romantic, but I that's what I want.
Sure you'll read articles applauding the pitching performance from last night. But wouldn't you rather read about anything else? I would. Reading is exciting to me. Not as exhilarating as crapping in a FedEx box and mailing it to your friend Stu. That's the best! Hey Stu, I told you I'd get you back for leaving me in jail that night I defended your girlfriend. I guess it was my fault, I did tell her I'd buy her a shot if she motor-boated the set of tits to our left. The woman was 71, I didn't think she'd actually do it. Oh well. Maybe it was a bit "aggressive" for a Saturday afternoon at your family reunion.
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