PAUL GOES P.O.P

PREDICTION - KORNHEISER MNF INTRO WILL SOUND SOMETHING LIKE THIS

  

Good evening boys and girls. Tonight is election eve in Washington, DC. All across the country, citizens are eagerly awaiting to cast their vote for the next President of the United States. Normally, the sheer magnitude of this event would have Washington buzzing with an electric current strong enough to shock my hair follicles back in to existence. But tonight, the entire Washington DC area is ready to erupt over something even more important to its constituents that the next President; the Washington Redskins.

With a victory tonight against the Steelers, the Redskins would improve to 7-2 on the season, their best start since 1991 when they last won the Super Bowl. With a win tonight, you better believe the front page of the Washington Post will headline 'Redskins Win' and then discuss election day there after. Barack Obama and John McCain have been campaigning for months to prove their legitimacy as candidates, but so has another man who goes by the name of Clinton.

Clinton Portis leads the NFL in rushing up to this point and in doing so, campaigns to prove his legitimacy, as one the NFL's elite. On the other side of the ball, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethisberger at only 26 years of age, is campaigning for his own reverence as well. A somewhat forgotten Super Bowl winner, Big Ben has had to share his success with two other men from his 2004 draft class. Phillip Rivers of the San Diego Chargers, and a guy with the last name Manning. Tomorrow night, America will learn who will lead our country for the next four years. But tonight, on this night, we will all be witness to which NFL candidate can lead his team to a victory. Obama or McCain. Portis or Roethlisberger. Monday Night Football from our nation's capital, is coming up next.

CLEVELAND STEAMER

5-2. When you lose at home on a last second field goal from 50 yards away, the week ahead can be brutal. Not on the team, but on me. The longest week of my life has now culminated with a 14-11 win in which Portis blasted the Browns for 175 yards. That's right, 175. Sure I blacked out for the last 100 of them and (apparently) partially tore my calf while dancing following Santana's TD to put us up 14-3. Shit happens.

The 'Skins now head to Detroit to face the gulp (0-6) Lions. Facing a team we haven't lost to since 1875 scares me. Maybe it's because I'm cautious or maybe it's because I just woke up from a 6 hour nap in a taxi when I watched the game down the street, but Detroit is no guarantee. Our offense needs to figure out how to score and they need to do it fast. The Lions are the last 'bad' team the 'Skins will face for awhile...Our tremendous defense could use the cushion of 30 some points soon.

WINLESS RAMS COME TO DC AND THE REDSKINS SHIT THE BED

What can I say? They lost to the winless Rams at home! Those five games with no turnovers finally came back to bite them in the ass. Three in the game, all huge gaming changing plays. I'm way too angry to really talk about this loss. Browns come into town next week and they look pretty solid so far against the Giants. This team better get focused soon, next week will not be easy.

Oh, Shaun Alexander will be signed by tomorrow afternoon.

WAITING TO EXHALE

The Northeast corridor of the United States. Home to the Washington Redskins, the New York Giants, The New England Patriots. The Yankees and the Red Sox. The Rangers, Bruins and Devils. Franchises that have all won a championship in their respective sport. From the Nations Capital to the land of Massholes, everyone has enjoyed the thrill of sharing a title with their beloved city. But there's one city that waits and waits and waits. You guessed it...Philadelphia.

Known for the filming of six Rocky films and a tear jerking performance by Tom Hanks, the city of brotherly love might be anything but. In 2005, the population of the city was estimated to be over 1.4 million, while the Greater Philadelphia metropolitan area, with a population of 5.8 million, was the fifth-largest in the United States. A commercial, educational, and cultural center, the city was once the second-largest in the British Empire,(after London) and the social and geographical center of the original 13 American colonies. During the 18th century, it eclipsed New York City in political and social importance, with Benjamin Franklin taking a large role in Philadelphia's early rise to prominence. It was in this city that some of the ideas, and subsequent actions, gave birth to the American Revolution and American independence, making Philadelphia a centerpiece of early American history. It was the most populous city of the young United States and served as the the nation's second capital in 1774.(1)

From this brief history lesson, one may conclude that a city rich with history and a direct influence on the blueprint of our country, houses 5.4 million bitter assholes who continue to bottle up their frustration with their sports teams. When your only sense of winning comes from an indoor football team owned by Bon Jovi, you're struggling. But hey. The Phillies have a pretty good team this year. I'm sure after decades of suffering, this will be your year.

(1)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philadelphia

TRY AND STOP ME

Get ready folks. This team is on the verge of exploding. Having won the last 4 games by a relatively close margin of victory, the Redskins are ready to pour it on. Enter the St. Louis Rams. Sure all of these games could have gone the other way in the 4th qtr. But there is no denying what they have done each week...dominate on the offensive line. Ball control, running the football from behind, in-game adjustments. This group is finally playing solid, smart football.

The biggest role not being talked about as much has to be that of Shaun Suisham. The guy has gone 7-7  the last two weeks when the Skins needed every single one of them. 41, 48, 50. At Philly. Those are just enormous kicks to make. If this team continues on what they have built, they'll only need him from 23. It's only a matter of time before 2 touchdowns a game turns into 3 or 4.

Yes, the zero turnovers have to bounce back and hurt us at some point. However, going 4-1 (with 3 of them being NFC east road games) to start the season is a complete surprise. We need to treat these next 3 games just as we did the last 4. Going 7-1 may not be so impressive if the Giants and Cowboys are 7-1 too.

POP POLL: WHAT WILL IDIOT ROOKIE DESEAN JACKSON DO NEXT?

What do you think will be the next Desean Jackson debacle?

Stu T, 25, Intramural Athlete and Dewey Beach All-star

"I bet he goes out to a club in Philly and picks up a chick. He'll start flaunting her in front of everyone, buying her drinks in VIP. Then he'll take her home to find out she has a penis."

Roos F, 28, Desean Jackson Fanclub Co-Founder

"Debacle! What have your rookie receivers done? Nothing. That's what. I think the next thing Jackson does is score against you faggots this weekend. I'm kidding. I love you Pbort."

Harold M, 24, Piano Lounge Singer

"Probably eats a bowl of Campbells Soup before game and tell's McNabb, "that soup's great man, even more chunky then your moms tush last night each time I smacked it."