PAUL GOES P.O.P

DC Receives $100 Million Stimulus Package

In the midst of the countries biggest economic crisis since 'The Great Depression', the highest paid contract for a defensive player in NFL history, has been awarded to Albert Haynesworth. The Redskins, who recently released 30 employees because of financial difficulties caused by the economy and a decrease in revenue, surely didn't have any economic difficulties today. For all that could be said for spending $100 million on Haynesworth (with guarantees up to $41 million), that much more should be said for spending $56 million on Deangelo Hall. Yes we needed to resign him. Especially since the inevitable release of Shawn Springs was looming. But why they felt the need to give Hall his second monster contract, is just another example of poor negotiations (or lack there of) with a free agent the Redskins targeted. I'm not suprised by either of these moves. You can't be at this point. I mean look at the guy below, just look at him. He loves the offseason hype. And why? Because he can create it. Come August, it's out of his hands.                            

Snyder will continue to spend like a maniac. None of us will ever change that. But as a Redskins fan, you have to believe our team got better today, regardless of what it cost. Unless what it actually cost the Redskins was Derrick Dockery, Chris Canty and another servicable player who could fill one of the other glaring holes on the team. (I won't rule out Dockery yet because who really knows how much cap room the Redskins truly have) This isn't the same as signing an aging veteran like Bruce Smith or Deion Sanders. It's also very different from signing Brandon Lloyd and Adam Archuletta. In this situation, the 'skins potentially got a stud in the prime of his career. 

Enough with the analysis. It's February. Here's the real question I find myself asking. Who is in charge of hiring Redskins cheerleaders? Whoever it is, they've done the best work in DC since a couple of stoners decided to open up The Falafel Shop in Adams Morgan. Funny how some people believe in 'inner beauty' and 'dance experience' when they hire NFL cheerleaders. Something tells me the 260lb guy with his binoculars in section 415 doesn't. If Vinny Cerrato had half the intelligence as our Cheerleading Director, the team would be in pretty good shape.

Yes We Can! The Japanese Game Show

I don't speak a lick of Japanese and neither do you. But luckily all of us speak Japanese guy who dresses like President Obama, looks like Tiger Woods, sounds like Regis Philbin and does magic.

Rock Band Advertising Executive Throws ':30 Party of the Year'

When this commercial first came out, every dude thought to themselves "Did they really make that commercial?" Shame on all of us. We should now be thinking to ourselves, "That sleepover looks awesome!" Sure we knew an endless supply of bagel bites and an acquitted Kobe were there, but who knew weed and steroids was in the mix. I sure didn't. I thought it was just a nerdy swimmer and a dude who willingly bangs Madonna. Man was I wrong. Let's just hope Chris Brown doesn't show up...Too much?

Thanks Freeberg for the find.

Preakness Ends Tradition of Being Pelted with Beer Cans

Pimlico, MD doesn't have alot going for itself. The town resides on the outskirts of Baltimore which REALLY doesn't help it's cause. But what it does have is the Preakness. One of the three major horse racing events of the year. Annually, the infield of the Preakness becomes flooded with men and women who get absolutely annhiliated. It had always been known as one of the best days of the year.

Recently, the infield has become a war zone. People now toss full beer cans at people climbing objects, they sprint across urinals and worst of all the quality of tits shown has plummeted. We can now all collectively thank this group of drunken retarded trash for ruining the day for us retarded drunks.

The Jockey Club's press announcement said:

"No beverage of any kind (cans or bottles), including alcohol, soft drinks and water will be allowed to be brought into the public infield. Sixteen ounce beers will be sold for $3.50."

Well, can't say I didn't see this one coming. The last year I attended Preakness was 2006 and witnessed a friend's face get split open from a flying beer can. It's kinda like the direction NFL games are heading. The parking lots lately are completely filled with not just the drunks like myself; but the ones who like Nascar and wear jean shorts. I swear to Bud light, if you Nascar people ruin NFL tailgaiting, my frat brother Ross will absolutely lose it.

7 Year Old Does Michael Phelps Impression

Fresh off a 4th National Championship since 2005, Gators and Michael Phelps enthusiast David decides to celebrate. Hard.

Holy crap. How much gas did the dentist give this little kid? I remember when a trip to the dentist was rewarded with a shitty toy or some stickers. But never an extra few hits off the old gas tank. He's completely eff'd for the first 56 seconds, that is until the nitrous turns on him and he has a bad trip. Great work by the dad to understand the humor behind his kid cheesing that hard and getting it on video. It may be early, but he's got my vote for father of the year...if father of the year constitues exploiting your son freaking out on drugs, which I'm pretty sure it still does. That's how my dad won from 1990-1993.

Super Bowl Sells Last of Inventory to....Cash 4 Gold

As if it wasn't enough already seeing cash4gold push their commercials on every channel I already watch, they somehow managed to buy a Super Bowl ad. Can this company honestly be that profitable? Isn't this the big scam that cruise ships always run on the 2nd to last day, on the Ledo deck, by the duty free liquor?

Granted I have no idea the current value of gold. Nor have I researched how much cash they offer in return. But who in their right mind is sending gold in the mail?

No business model should ever include MC Hammer. This literally proves that people with no financial planning are a prime target for cash4gold. Seriously, stop playing this commercial every night!