PAUL GOES P.O.P

POP POLL: WORD ON THE STREET

How would you have handled the Brett Favre situation in Green Bay?

Charles F., 26, Philanthropist/Self Proclaimed Sexist

"What situation? If I were Aaron Rodgers I'd probably retire before training camp begins and start looking for work as a first class faggot."

David S., 24, Political Correspondant to P.O.P

"What a disgrace that was to the entire organization and to Aaron Rodgers. That GM Thompson should have spread malicious propoganda enticing the city of Green Bay to hate Favre. That and of course blast Favre with ad-homynym attacks."

Roos F., 28, Owner Rooos Wings & Beer

"Remember 4th and 26, when Donovan found Freddie Mitchell for a first down in the NFC Championship? That reminds me exactly of this Packers fiasco. Except the Eagles won that day!"

REPORT: POST LUNCH 'WATERCOOLER' GAME 65% MORE EFFECTIVE THAN 'HALLWAY BUMP INTO' GAME

The workplace presents many opportunities to transition old versions of one's game into a myriad of alternative methods to punish. Traditionally, running game at the office was a staple of the "do you want to go smoke a cigarette?" or "the reach for the same floor button on the elevator". But the American worker has grown increasingly lazier and dissatisfied with their job, resulting in more water and coffee breaks.

"Nothing says I want to bang you more than keeping the skim milk out for her to use," says Kenton. As a producer at MTV, Kenton works long hours surrounded by tons of interns looking for an excuse to be somebody. And by be somebody, I mean sleep with their superior. Fresh, young college graduates are  thirsty for knowledge. Not so much how to do their job better, but which utility closet has a lock on the door.

Consistency generally is key when demonstrating strength in any given event. However, the evolution of game calls for a continual balance of imbalance. To achieve the principles of efficiency, one might suggest using a variation of the following tactics. The obnoxious observation, "Oh, you went to the beach last weekend? You didn't get much color." The office inside-joke, "...and that's when I told Julie if we do this, no more talking about your cats!" The mutual understanding, "we should fuck...what? I mean I really like your boots." Or the Rhode Island reach around, "excuse me, just grabbing an extra napkin. Sorry, I need two."

Any combination of the aforementioned is sure to initiate an awkward office relationship that should ultimately lead to someone's departure. If you are leaving anyways, then there's no better bon voyage party then one where you promise multiple girls that you always 'had a thing for them'. Sure one or two will laugh in your face, but there's always that one special girl who can't handle her liquor. And my dad always taught me, never let a hammered girl get home on her own. Pay for her sober friends cab, then bring her home.

P.O.P SELLS OUT

Sorry Guys, but Paul Goes P.O.P has sold out to the man.

So in the spirit of e-commerce, check out all the cool stuff you can get at Amazon.com!

SOUTHEAST GANGMEMBERS EAGERLY AWAIT GIFFORD'S ICE CREAM

Thousands of gang members are ecstatic for Opening Day on Sunday, March 30th. The Nationals announced a partnership with Gifford's Ice Cream & Candy Co. as the team enters its first season in Nationals Park. Gifford's, founded in Silver Spring, MD, will serve scooped ice cream and novelties through 2011 at the Nationals' new home in Southeast Washington.

The deal has sparked a new found positive energy on the streets of Southeast. Even in the middle of winter, ice cream may have solved the city's biggest issue. Crime.

"With Gifford's coming into the neighborhood, none of us really care about our differences anymore. It's like, how could we possibly be angry when there's delicious local ice cream right down the street," commented local gang leader Lonnie Baxter.

DC government officials are shocked that crime could have been significantly reduced decades ago, by merely opening up ice cream parlors.

"I've been saying it for years, mix business with pleasure. I love that I can get flavors like, Crack. Yea that's right. Crack ice cream. Man they have some good crack ice cream. I usually get butter pecan and sprinkle some crack right on top. Gifford's...ooooooohwweeeeee!,"shouted DC councilman Marion Barry.

Gifford's had no idea their ice cream could influence so many people to change their lives for the better.

Or did they.

"This is what happens when you put pain killers into a giant batch of ice cream. People chill the fuck out...The idea just came to me back in 2002 when my wisdom teeth were removed. I was on 60mg of Percocet, eating a scoop of our Rocky Road. I proceeded to be the happiest I had ever been in my life. I knew the idea was borderline dangerous, but we have had no regrets thus far," remarked Gifford's CMO Neil Braverman. "Wait, Marion Barry sprinkles crack on top of our ice cream? Oh dear."

7th Grade Student Government Presidential Candidate Promises Classmates Bigger Penis' And Breasts In Coming Year

Herbert Hoover Middle School is gearing up for their student government elections. This year, 7^th grader Aaron Gregory is running for class President on the platform, “Bigger Penis’ and Breasts for all.” The candidate is banking on puberty to deliver his promise.

“My sentiments are that my opponents are promising things that they will and can not deliver. Longer recess, soda machines and hats are simply unrealistic to change in one school year. There are actually very few promises that we as student government representatives can deliver on. That was why I am guaranteeing everyone, except for maybe the Asian kids, bigger wangs…pun intended.”

The platform has created frenzy amongst parents, teachers and even the school board. With the election looming in eight days, school officials have called an emergency meeting. Superintendent Sean S. Taylor, PTA representative Mary Gibbs and Herbert Hoover Principal Roger McIntosh will consist of the panel deciding whether Gregory will be allowed to continue.